5 Ways to Get Out of Comparison Mode

confidence mindset Oct 04, 2020
Someone on a boardwalk doing a handstand with one hand

Argh, comparison sucks doesn’t it.You think you’ve got out of the habit and then it rears its head again.I used to compare myself a lot but through reaching a place of confidence and self-acceptance this had greatly diminished. However, over the last couple of months I found myself comparing to do with my coaching business. Not constantly but on a few occasions. Was I comparing myself to people at the same stage of business as me – no – but to people who have been doing this longer than me – even if only a year or 2.  Instead of using them as an inspiration or a PIP as Lucy Sheridan calls them (proof it's possible), I was comparing in a negative way.What does comparison actually achieve?Not a lot, other than to make you feel like you’re not good enough. It (whatever you’re trying to achieve) will never happen for you.  I was still feeling happy for others having success but then would enter the negative feelings of why them and not me?  What I should have been focusing on was, they’ve done it so why not me too!  Just adding that little word on the end makes a big difference to the feeling of the thought.It also left me with feeling guilty that I was comparing in the first place – so yet another negative outcome. Some of them are people I know so I should be celebrating their success not using it as a means to doubt myself. And while I did celebrate for them it has been tempered too.

5 Ways to Stop the Comparison.

  1. First off become aware of it.  I called myself out – realized what I was doing and decided to use it to spur myself into action.
  2. Remember your why.  Why I trained to be a coach in the first place – in a nutshell to help others discover the confidence, self-acceptance, and freedom I have.  This is the most important thing and what lights my fire. 
  3. Realise it’s about you and not them.  Admit it – recognise what you’re doing. Then ask yourself why you’re doing it.  It was keeping me playing small, giving me a reason not to show up for my goals and dreams. I was more concerned with what others were doing rather than focusing on my stuff.
  4. Address your inner critic. Finding what works for you in working with your inner critic – that voice we have inside us – you can read more about this here - can quickly bring the comparison to an end. Is what you’re thinking true – really, is it?  What evidence have you got of an opposing view? Is that thought/story helpful to you?  Our inner critic rears its head in order to keep us safe – to help us avoid risk and danger. 
  5. Flip the comparison to inspiration.  Well if they can do it maybe I can too.

Thankfully, because of the “work” I’ve done on accepting me for me, growing my confidence, stepping out of my comfort zone, my limiting beliefs, the episodes were short lived.  Having recognised what was happening I’ve dealt with it and moved on.  Not with any illusions that I’ll never compare myself again but knowing I can move through it and recognise it for what it is.You can choose to take action to move out of comparison mode. It can be a conscious thing.Self-acceptance is an Important Factor.

  Self-acceptance is the key to so much – boosting our confidence, reducing comparison, dealing with our inner critic.  It’s accepting ourselves where we are now.  It’s not giving up and not trying to grow, develop or reach goals, but knowing we’re enough as we are now, in the moment even if there are things we want to change.
Boosting your self confidence is a key step in ridding your life of comparison as it gives you agency over your actions and ownership of your thoughts and behaviour.

To find out more about working with me on your self-acceptance, knowing that I understand and have been there, click here.  If you want to grow your confidence and go after your goals I can help.


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