5 Tips to Self-Love

self-love Feb 13, 2020

You can’t walk anywhere along the high street or in a supermarket for the last couple of weeks without realizing Valentines Day is coming up and the 13th has been designated Self Love Day.  Although, for me self-love is for every day.♥

What is self-love?

So what is self-love?  Self-love is when we take care ourselves in totality – our minds, bodies, health and emotions.  Why bother?  We start embracing and respecting ourselves as individuals, we grow in confidence and self-belief. We rely less on external factors to determine our self-worth and this all serves to improve our relationship with the world and people around us too.

1.       Notice How You Talk to Yourself

The language we use when we talk to ourselves is so important.  Using negative language just further exacerbates the negative thoughts we can have about ourselves.  As I wrote about HERE our thoughts become our beliefs/stories and these become our reality.  When we have negative thoughts the solution is to acknowledge them in a non-judgemental way and turn it in to a positive.  Would you say it to anyone else?  - No, then don’t say it to you either.  Speak to yourself with love and understanding as you would a friend.  Yes, parent yourself, call yourself out on your own BS but not in a negative, undermining way. If things don’t go according to plan, don’t use it as a reason to put yourself down but look at it as a learning experience.  This takes practice but can really change your mindset and outlook. Make your inner voice a positive one. Read more HERE.

2.       Say No To Things You Don’t Want to Do/that Don’t Serve You

It’s OK to say no to things.  This doesn’t make you a selfish person.  Sometimes we just need to say no – maybe you’re really busy, got a lot on.  We need to meet our own needs without sacrificing them all the time to please others – acknowledging that there are occasions when this might be required.  When you feel like you really should do something that may not be the most convenient you can re-frame it in a more positive way. For example,  “I want to do X to make Y happy and their happiness is important to me.  Yes, it might not be the most convenient timing but on this occasion adding to their happiness is the reward.” Put boundaries in place and stick to them - make sure you have spaces in the calendar that are dedicated to your life and doing what makes you happy and want to do, not through obligation.

3.       Practice Self-Care

This can take whatever form is self-care for you.  Taking care of our body, mind & soul is essential to loving yourself.  Ask yourself the question “If I loved myself more I would……?”



It could be a pamper session if that’s what floats your boat, setting time aside to read, going for a walk, meditating, eat nourishing food, spend some time just relaxing, set an exercise goal. Anything that is just for you, to look after you. 

4.       Be In Action in Your Life

Growing in self-love can help with having the confidence to be in action in your life.  To be making steps towards your goals and dreams – these don’t have to be world changing mega dreams. Think about what your perfect day would look like and take steps to making that a reality.  Discover what makes you happy and brings you joy and make an action plan to have more of that in your life on the day to day.    You are the one in control of making change in your life – do we always get it right, of course not but keep on going.  Visualise where you want to be in your life and take the first step.  I talk more about this HERE and how to take steps towards your goals.     

5.       Keep the Promises You Make to Yourself

How easy is it to say “tomorrow I will do X Y Z” and then tomorrow comes and none of it happens.  We break promises to ourselves in a way we never would to others.  As Rachel Hollis points out in Girl Wash Your Face (fab book btw) when we really want something we will find a way, when we don’t really want something we will find an excuse.  Our sub-conscious doesn’t know the difference.   Start with a goal, set some actions and take that action.  Start with small, achievable steps so you can witness the progress you make.  In the book Rachel Hollis talks about an instant where she gets home later than planned and does a few miles on the treadmill.  When questioned as to why she didn’t postpone until the next day she said “no, because I made a promise to myself and I don’t break those, not ever.” (pg 12 Girl Wash Your Face, Rachel Hollis) This really resonated as I’m the first person I would break a promise/commitment to.  I’ve got better at sticking to what I’ve planned to do even if spontaneous opportunities crop up that I take – not perfect, but made progress😀

A caterpillar is awesome, but if the caterpillar stopped there - if she just decided that good is good enough - we would all miss out on the beautiful creature she would become. You are more than you have become.

This doesn’t mean we should be striving for perfection - that is problematic in itself - but we should be striving to be our best selves for ourselves. It’s a life-long journey - a journey which will have it’s ups and downs and it’s bends - it would be boring if it was all linear🙃.

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